Better Now

I've had some time to think things over and I am feeling much better now. *Sigh of relief* To all that care I am feeling fine, I understand the circumstances aren't good, and I can wait through these hard times, a guy like him doesn't come along very often or ever again, and I'm not losing him for the second time. ..........I have one thing to say.....BANANA

My Faerietale

Once upon a time there was a princess named Ariana. She wasn't very beautiful or very bright but still everyone seemed to love her. This was because of the size of her heart; she was the nicest girl in the kingdom, which was very strange because she was a princess. Most of the other princesses that the people heard about were cruel and could careless about their people, but Ariana wasn't like that at all. Ariana was always polite and courteous no matter what hardship came her way.

Many years ago, her father had been called to battle against another kingdom. Years passed as the battles went on but Ariana always knew that her father would return. Then one night there came word that he had been killed. Ariana wept for hours, her mother tried and tried to comfort her but she could not. Soon Ariana became aware that her father had fought to save her and he would not want her to throw her life away. From that day on Ariana devoted her life to helping others in their time of need. She helped the other children that had also lost their fathers, the mothers that had lost their sons and the wives that had lost their husbands.

Ariana soon grew older and became known throughout the land as the most beautiful at heart. Suitors came from all over to try to make her their bride, but upon seeing that she wasn't very beautiful to the eyes many of them left. Others tried to win their way into her heart but all failed fore their hearts were not as loving as hers.

When Ariana was about to give up on the hope of finding a person that was as passionate as she, a small man crept from the corners. He was weak and fragile; at once the princess ran to his aid giving all that he needed to become well again. The next day after the man had gained his strength he looked at the princess and told her that he had come from a land far away to tell her that a most wonderful prince heard of her and was coming to meet her.

Tired with poor suitors that knew nothing of love the princess fell to her knees and began to weep.

"Oh why are you crying princess" asked the man.

"Please call me Ariana, and I weep because I do not think my heart can bare to be around another man that calls himself a prince but has no heart to go with it."

The man crouched to the ground where the princess kneeled and took her in his arms. After a few moments of his comforting she looked into his eyes, "Thank you, kind sir, for your comfort. May I inquire something more of you" she said never lightening her gaze.

"My dear Ariana whatever you ask of me you may have if I can spare it."

"Sir why can people that own and rule over so much land be so cruel and uncaring?"

"It is because they see only that they are happy and believe that everyone else is because they are. Their hearts are locked tight only to love their wealth and their happiness, which blinds them from the truth."

"Sir you speek so wisely and so caringly may I ask you one more question?"

"Yes princess you may"

"Ariana, please. Sir may I inquire your name?"

"I thought you would never ask?" Taking her chin in his hand, he looked deeply into her eyes. "My name is Prince Miguel, and I have come all this way to meet you, the most beautiful princess in the world."

"You are the prince, and you are not heartless at all."

"Ariana," the prince said gazing into her eyes.

"Yes, Miguel?"

"Will you marry me?"

Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, her heart felt as though it was going to burst. "Yes" she replied and fell into his arms where she felt his comfort and love.

Soon Princess Ariana and Prince Miguel married, and their land became the most peaceful. Everyone that had ever met them could feel the love that they shared. Their children became the same; always polite and always courteous. And they all lived happily ever after.

In all reality though there was no prince or princess, just a man and woman who fell in love. The truth of the story is that they DID fall in love and that they both WERE caring. There is no kingdom just a small town and some friends, the man wasn't exactly weak but down on his luck. Miguel saw Ariana for who she was on the inside and didn't care about the outside but because she was beautiful within she was also beautiful in every other way. Maybe they didn't live happily ever after in a big castle,but they were pretty happy with each other and I suppose that is all that matters.

When you feel that there is no one in the world that could possibly love you because every other person has hurt you, right around the corner is your one true love. All you have to do is get the courage to go rushing around that corner before they disappear forever. True love tells you that with just a glance into each others eyes that you are ment to be together for the rest of your lives, but you have to take the initiative and make that become reality. Love at first sight does exist but being cowardly keeps us from capturing that love when the time is right.

Dead But Alive

Can you feel dead when you are technically alive. DAMN IT! I wrote this last night:

"I have told myself over and over again, that I would not allow myself to think thoughts of doubt and pain, but as every moment passes constant reminders emerge everywhere. At one moment I could cry while the next rage washes over all. I know that every male isn't the same as the others, and I believe that I have found the most caring, considerate, compassionate, and loving one of them all. All of me screams that he will be the one, the only, while something screams along reminding me of the past. I could never grow to hate anyone but the ways that I have been treated make me weary of what to do. Trust used to be a natural action but now my trust is wearing thin. I know that I can't trust him*(*not stating names), he has been by my side through all of the bad times and the good. When he left my heart was broken for he created laughter within my world of sorrow. I could cry but the tears are of fear and love. I am so happy that I have found such a guy as him, that can and will treat me with respect and love. There isn't any man that I think that could be better. Sigh. There is a nagging in the back of my mind, in my soul, telling me that the same thing could happen but I know deep within that that will never happen. Not with him* not him. It makes me feel even worse that I treated him so badly in the 9^th grade, I have apologized but I don't think that that is enough. I don't think I deserve such a great guy but he chose me and it has put a smile on my face."

After I wrote this last night I called his cell and a girl told me that he didn't want to date me anymore. He had just asked me out on Sunday and was so happy and now this. Well, tonight I finally got to talk to him and he said that he has lost his phone and someone had played a cruel trick, but he said he was sorry but he thinks he rushed things, he needed to get his life straight. I just said ok and that I understood but I wish he had known that no matter what I would have been by his side. FUCK!! This is the fourth time that my heart has been broken I one month, this is getting to be too much. I feel as though the whole world has gone black. I love him though so I will wait as long as it takes, I'm not losing him again. This is going to be hard but we will make it through!

From The Daughter You Never Knew

Living in a world shadowed by never ending tears

Crying out to every one but no one ever hears

Mouths that speak lies and eyes that hold the truth

Dreaming of escaping from this never ending youth

Haunting images reoccurring, pictures playing in my head

I am screaming out but not a word is said

Your watching me reach out to you and you push away my hand

I thought that you were close to me, I thought you'd understand

Then I awake and the dream seems to end

Your love and your care it was all just pretend

I can't take this sadness, I can't take this pain

Everyday it seems like all it does is rain

Cloudy thoughts and overwhelming fears

Thought that you would be here through all these years

You should have held my hand and been by my side

Should have helped me with the pain I've had to hold inside

I wish that you could be here to watch me graduate

I wish you were here to meet every guy I'll date

I've wished to see your face every day of my life

I just want you to know that I've grown up right

Mom has taught me lessons that were your job to teach

I'm starting to learn that, for you, I have no need to reach

I'm growing up now becoming an adult on my own

This is the hello you get from the daughter you've never known

The Best Food in the WORLD

Boca Burger!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the most bangin' burger in the WORLD!!!!!!!!It has that smoky grill taste like just off the grill food but doesn't have that nasty meat taste!!!!!!! God it is the bestest food ever!!!!!!!!!!Okay, I'm going to stop now!!!!

100 Questions

SIMPLE QUESTIONS:
1. Name: Krystal
2. Nickname: Whitie, midget, shorty, bubble butt, (the list goes on)
3. Eyes: ummm...they change colors
4. Height: 5 foot
5. Hair: naturally it's dark brown
6. Siblings: An older brother that I know and 4 that i don't
7. Do u like to sing in the shower? yepper doodles
9. Birthday: October 20, 1989
10. Star Sign: Libra
11. Religion: Native American Wicca
12. Male/Female: female
13. Righty or lefty: lefty
14. What's the most important thing that every relationship should have? communication
15. What type of music do you prefer? electronica/musical (from movies)
16. Marital status: single
17. Do you have a car? yep
18. What kind of car do you have/want: have-dodge aries '88 want-mini coupe

FAVORITE QUESTIONS:
19. Movie: Rent
20. Song: Without you (rent)
21. Band/singer? Delerium
22. TV Show: CSI:Miami
23. Actor: Johnny Depp or Jack Black its a toss up
24. Actress: Drew Barrymoore
26. Number: 86
27. Cartoon character: Martin Mystery
28. Disney Character: Tinkerbell
29. Colour: lavender

LOVE LIFE ETC:
30. Do you plan on having children: yes and adopt too
31. Do you want to get married: I do
33. How old do you want be when you get married: When it feels right
34. Would you have kids before marriage: yes
35. Do u have a b/f or g/f: no

EITHER-OR (PICK WHICH ONE YOU PREFER)
38. Music/TV: Music
39. Guys/Girls: Guys
40. Green/Blue: Green
41. Pink/Purple: Purple
42. Summer/Winter: Summer
43. Night/Day: Night
44. Hangin Out/Chillin: Hangin out
45. Dopey/Funny: funny

46. Where do you live? Maryland
48. Have you ever taken drugs? no
49. What's a major turn on for you? Respect
50. Your favorite food: Cheesecake
51. Where would you most like to live in the world? Europe, Norway
52. Which 5 people do you trust the most? Mom, Brittany, Kelsey, Kristen, Bill
53. What do you think of soul mates? it could happen
54. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf? you can look but don't touch
55: What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? Steve Cheating on me
56. What's something about guys/girls you don't get? Nervousness to ask the other sex questions of importance
57. Are you happy? eh
58. Why? eh???
59. What's an object you can't live without? Brittany
60. Love or lust: love
61. Silver or gold: Silver
62. Diamond or pearl: pearl
64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? noper rooski
65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: yep two penguins and a gorilla..don't laugh.
66. Do you have any piercings: no allergies
67. What colour underpants are you wearing right now: that color
68. What song are u listening to right now? the keyboard clicking
69: What mythical creature would you be? faerie
70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? Europe
71. Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with? ...sigh
72. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: personality
74. What makes you happy? friendship
75. What's the next cd/s you're gonna get? that one that i want to listen to
76. Do u wear contacts or glasses? glasses to read and sunglasses
77. What's the best advice given to you? get over him
78. Have u ever won any special awards? does honor roll count?
79. What are your future goals: go to college, open a day care, get married, have kids, adopt children, become a foster parent
80. Worst sickness u ever had? mono
81. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better? scary
82. On the phone or in person? in person
83. Hugs or kisses? hugs they can tell you more
84. What song seems to reflect you the most? .............
85. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? all of my friends
86. Do u have any enemies? Jennifer
89. what time is it now? 5:29 PM
90. Have you ever been in love? maybe
91. Have you met Santa? yep and i hid him under my pillow
92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding a peace sign and asking to use your phone what would you do? give him a cell so he could take it with him
93. Last time you talked to the person that you like: 2:40
94. Do you have any pets? 2 dogs, 2 birds. 1 cat, 5 fish, and 1 hamster
95. What is your favorite word or saying? banana
96. Last time you were depressed: last week
97. Are you an alcoholic? no
98. Who's your closest friend? Brittany
99. What do you think of this person: she's the greatest
100. What are you wearing right now? pj pants and a shirt and all other essentials

Against Racism

A white woman, about 51 years old, was seated next to a black man on an airplane. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked. "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat." "Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available." The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class."
Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued, "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting." The hostess turned to the black man and said "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class." At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.


If you are against racism, please repost this message

Without You (Song lyrics from Rent)

Without you, The ground thaws, The rain falls, The grass grows

Without you, The seeds root, The flowers bloom, The children play

The stars gleam, The poets dream, The eagles fly, Without you

The earth turns, The sun burns, But I die without you

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves

Without you, The tides change, The boys run, The oceans crash

The crowds roar, The days soar, The babies cry, Without you

The moon glows, The river flows, But I die without you

The world revives, Colors renew, But I know blue, Only blue, lonely blue, Lonely blue, Without you

Without you, The hand gropes, The ear hears, The pulse beats

Without you, The eyes gaze, The legs walk, The lungs breath,

The mind churns, The heart yearn, The tears dry, Without you,

Life goes on, But I'm gone, Cause I die

Without you,

Without you,

Without you,

Without you

SIGH

This so totally sucks. I feel happy one second then the next I want to cry my eyes out. I can't stop thinking about Steve and about all that has happened in the past month (or more). Then I think that I can move on and can actually be happy again. (Note: I am never going back to that bastard...for anyone that thinks that I am thinking that). Then I think about people that are my friends and the people that are there. Then I think about all the so called friends that I had in the past. I used to think that I would never lose them (it is a good thing with some of them that I am not friends with them) but still. It's like the whole world could abandon me in two seconds and no one would ever care. I know that that is not going to happen, and I know that I will always have someone but I feel as though I am falling off of the edge of the Earth and no one is there to catch me. I know deep within and right on the surface that certain friends will never leave me like Brittany and Kelsey, but then I know that others as life goes on will go their separate ways and I may never speak to them again. Then again I may never know until that time comes. Then I think on top of all of that about people that I have stronger feeling for, people that I have had feeling for for a long time. People that have grown on me and I have come attached to. I don't think I know what I would ever do if Brittany ever stopped talking to me. I really don't want to think about that. But it seems that in my life the closer that I believe I have come to knowing someone they turn out to be fake, someone that never heard a word that came out of your mouth (no offense to anyone that reads this this is just my thoughts and I know that they may never be true). I feel as though I am stuck, stuck in cement on a sidewalk with a large piano(life) coming down the hill fast and ready to knock me off of my feet. The headache and the chest pains keep coming on quicker and stronger and more painful every day. The stress is getting to me and I know that I shouldn't let it but there is nothing that I can do. I am depressed and there is nothing that I can do. It will take me a while to get back on my feet. Damn why does life have to be so hard. *sigh*

Cheating Jerk

I found out that Steve is a compulsive cheater and a compulsive liar and I'm not so sure about the compulsive part. I hope that he rots in hell for everything that he has done to me. He treated me like crap and then threw me aside and then started cheating on me. GRRRRR!!!! I hope him and his whore have fun together. Apparently he cheated on his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend. Hmmmm!? This coming from a guy that said "It's wrong to cheat I would never do that and I could never forgive that." Well, he can completely die from my life and I don't care what happens to him. GOD!!!! I know that I am ranting but this is my blog and to everyone that has heard the story sorry that you read this. BUT THAT FUCKING BASTARD NEEDS TO DIE. Excuse my language but I am upset. Anyway who ever reads this and knows of the situation and wants to comfort me I am telling you that it probably wont work. One second I am angry and the next I am sad, I have no clue what to think anymore. I sacrificed so much for him but he decided to throw it away. GOD!!!! Well, that's okay I'll move on and I'll find someone much better and someone that actually respects me (BRITTANY AND KELSEY: I know who your thinking of) I will find someone someday that loves me and I will love them back and we will live HAPPILY EVER AFTER. (I know it's a cliche but oh fucking well)

Thrown Away

You ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, and threw it to the ground

You stomped upon the love that I had and killed all that I had found

You took away my happiness, took away my life

You destroyed everything and gave me only strife

Was I ever good enough to be loved at all?

Did I deserve this push that made me stumble and then fall?

Will I ever find my strength again to stand upon my feet?

Will I ever have the heart to love people that I meet?

Can I ever be the only love that someone has ever had?

Will I ever meet the man of my dreams that's with in my head?

Does true love really exist or only pain and tears?

Do people really understand every single fear?

Everyday I wonder why, why I wake again

I gather everything I have, my wits are wearing thin

I see how people treat me, different emotions everyday

My soul gets emptier and emptier with every word they say

Thoughts of us keep pounding in my mind

Telling me over and over about our time

Time spent together, sharing everything

Time that I had to spare and how my heart did sing

I wonder how you could destroy this, everything so dear

I did love you but you only caused my tears

Just because I'm still a teen doesn't mean that I don't feel

Every emotion that I had was true and very real

My mind is spinning in circles, my thoughts are racing round

I don't understand my feelings, my heart breaks with every pound

First I want to cry, then I need to shout

My emotions screaming, I need to let them out

Shadows in every corner, whispers on every wind

Life is but a lie, every breath a little sin

I keep pushing forward, but it only throws me back

I thought I had your love to catch me but that's something I did lack

Tears falling from my eyes until they hurt to even blink

My heart, my emotions, they were lifted just to sink

Body's shaking shivering from the pain

Is there anyway to actually stay completely sane

You stomped upon the love that I had and killed all that I had found

You ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, and threw it to the ground