You Never Know What You Have Until You Lose It.

You never know what you have until you lose it. This is the one of the truest statement I have ever heard. In my life I have known many people some are still here whilst others are gone. The greatest people I know are Brittany, Kelsey and Andrew. The latter of the the three I have know the longest. He is my love, my life. I met Andrew during the 2003-2004 school year. He became one of my closest friends. I can still remember writing letters back and forth everyday in Mr. Wellers class. Back then I didn't know what I had and I didn't know how life would be now. A couple of years passed and I had my boyfriends whilst he had his girlfriends. 11th grade finally came and we had Ms. Comforts cooking class together. It was fun. It actually made me look forward to something in school. Andrew at the time had a girl friend and over the months that progressed I finally realized that I had feelings for him. I was to scared to tell him and then it was too late. I didn't want to get in the way of his relationship and he was moving all the way to Montana. When he left I cried. I felt like I was losing my best friend, myself. I didn't think I would ever be able to see him again. We talked a few times on the phone but it was never the same until finally we lost each others phone numbers. About a year later Andrew came back into my life. We started talking and he asked me out. It was the best time of my life. A few days later he broke up with me for his ex. Yeah I was upset, I was pissed, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I had finally gotten the love that I wanted but it was taken away. Somehow, I understood that somewhere inside of him he loved her. Over the time that they were together our friendship was torn because she didn't allow him to speak with me. I respected her wishes and stayed away. A few months later my neighbor and friend Matt walked to my house and told me, "Andrew wants you to call him as soon as possible" That night I called him and the first words I heard were I'm sorry. I was forgiving because I understood what had happened. We talked for hours and finally our friendship grew stronger and then he asked me back out. I loved him and I do love him. I of course said yes. Ever since those words left my lips I have known that I made the right choice back in 9th grade to get to know the shy kid sitting in the corner that no one seemed to care about. I love Andrew with all of my heart. I trust him more than I could ever trust myself. His kiss, his touch, the very words he speaks can take away my pain and my sorrow. I could be on the edge of sanity and he pulls me back and holds me gently. He keeps me soaring high and catches me when I fall. I can feel deep within that he will always be here. Always in my life. Life has tried to take him from me twice it will not succeed again. I never knew what I had until I lost him when he moved. I never knew what love was until I met him. Like I said the truest statement I've ever heard is "You never know what you have until you lose it."

Drama Drama Drama...Yay....NOT!!!

Life is so great only because Brittany, Andrew, and Kelsey are in it. This is so fucking ridiculous. My mom, well, she started smoking again. That's the beginning of it all. Well, actually that just happened let's start at the real beginning. I started dating Andrew Collins (the best guy ever) again and it is going great. Sanity is still with me so far in my story of life. Well, not too long after we started going out he asked me to move in with him and of course I said yes. The sad part of this is that he lives all the way in North Carolina, bye bye mom, bye bye friends. Well, not exactly, of course they will still be a big part of my life (Love you Brittany....Love you Kelsey...Love You everyone else). I had a few moments where I was like do I really want to go that far away from everyone I care about, except Andrew and his family of course. By the way his family is the greatest, I adopt them as my own, practically after meeting them twice. You don't even know. Anyway back to the story. So I decide yeah I need to get away from here and I want to spend the rest of my life with the guy of my dreams. Well, my mom found out a few things about Andrew that I didn't have the chance to tell her because MY COUSIN WAS HERE!!! You want to know how...huh...huh...do ya. One of the people I trusted *cough cough* Heather (my sister in law) told her. My mom then believed that I was NEVER GOING TO TELL HER. WTF? I mean she's my mom and I tell her everything .....except the moving up there but I was going to tell her when the time was right. Anyway, so a few weeks later I ask my mom about going to spend the weekend in Elkton with Andrew to go to his brother's wedding. She says "Next your going to be telling me that you are moving down there with him" Well come to find out she figured out that me and him had already talked about it. So I get the Ok and spend the weekend with Andrew. This whole freaking time for like a month me and my best friend aren't able see each other because of all of the plans I had. It was starting to get to me but it was a chance to see Andrew. The only chance I get to see him until October 20th....my birthday. I'm leaving on the 21st or 22nd. Anyway, so then a few days ago my mom sits me down for "a talk". More like a hey-let-me-control-your-life-moment. She's like "well if he hurts you I can't come get you. You don't even know if you guy will work well as a couple. You won't be just 2 hours away so I can get you. And you won't know anyone there. And you moving in adds more responsibility on his mother" well excuse me mom 1. I love him with all my heart and he loves me. 2. What about when I move to Russia or Norway for a year, I won't know anyone there and well for christs sake I won't know the fucking language. 3. I am going to get a job 4. I'll be helping her around the house and with the kids. Then my step dad (the ass hole of the universe) is all like "what about college next year are you going to come back up here to go to college or are you going to just throw it away like your brother." 1. I'm not Jason 2. I will go to college where ever even if it is in North Carolina. Sigh. (Breathe krystal breathe) So yeah there was this whole shpeal about that and I get on the phone and have like a mental break down at 11:30 PM with Andrew but he cheered me up. Then I finally get to make plans with my best friend brittany. I went to her house last night and we had fun and I reassure her that I was coming back to see her like all the time and I was moving back up here at some point to be with her and everyone else. Well then tonight she came over here. I was sitting in the living room on the phone and I notice a pack of Cigarettes on the table. I look at my mom and ask her whose they are and they were hers. Damn it she worked to FUCKING hard to get to where she is and she threw it way. For what...."STRESS" OMFG!!!! I have stress every day of my life. I go to sleep crying my eyes out like every night you want talk about stress. She's all like "Yeah I have to worry about a $5,000 car bill and that's not it either." Is that a guilt trip or what? I know that me moving to North Carolina is bothering her but there is no fucking way I am taking the blame for her smoking again. Well when she said that that made we want to cry and thank god I was on the phone with Andrew at the time and Brittany is over or I would have lost it and I'd still be lost right now. DAMN IT!!! This is fucking ridiculous like I said. Everything has to be MY fault. JESUS!!!! What the hell did I ever do to deserve this. My mom is acting more and more like my step father every day. I can't wait to leave here and get away from the drama. I can actually go to a place where I feel wanted. No offense to everyone that wants me to stay. My parents keep trying to control my life and every since last month that control has gotten stronger like they will make my life a living hell until I turn 18 in less than a month. I hate this. I love everyone dearly and I love my mom. But enough is enough. Like I've said 1,000 times "I'd be moving out anyway even if I had to live in a cardboard box on the side of the road"