Reality

Okay so I am going to write how I feel, if you read it fine but don't come whining to me afterwards that I was TOO harsh, or that I am WRONG. This is my blog and my journal. These are MY thoughts if you don't like them get over it, if you think you won't like them....DON'T READ IT. I will not use names here, which I usually don't anyway, but if you can guess who I'm talking about GOOD FOR YOU! If you can't......oh well. I'm not writing this to START anything and I'm not writing it to hurt anyones feelings. I needed to write this and get it off of my chest and MAYBE some people will read it and realize where I am coming from, maybe they won't OH WELL.

Lately I have been feeling kind of ......down in the dumps. I've had a couple of people here for me but they aren't the only ones that I NEED. I've had my boyfriend, and a friend. Before now, well I should say before, about 9 months ago, I had 4 people I could depend on. One of them I was never really close to but we were good friends in school. She was considered one of my best friends. We have grown apart and I knew it would happen so that's ok. She is going to college tomorrow and I might not hear from her for a while but that's what growing up is. Going away to college, getting your dream job, and keeping only your CLOSE friends and loved ones. So for our situation I can understand. So here comes the real kicker. My friend that was my BEST friend and I haven't talked for a while and every time I see her I feel like.....we don't belong together anymore. I feel as though I am not exciting enough, I have too many problems, and I don't really matter. No matter how much she tells me she loves me, she misses me, and all that sunshine I never hear from her unless I contact her. It kind pisses me off. She has known me for years and knows that I don't contact people. I never have....and I NEVER will. We've grown so far apart now that when I do talk to her I feel like she is FORCING it and the words aren't natural. I told her about my tattoo that has special meaning to US and she acted like she didn't really care. This is REALLY bothering me. I have been replaced also which......makes me sick to my stomache. I was her SISTER and I've been replaced. That doesn't happen in life you can't replace your family. She may feel like she has been replaced too but she hasn't. I hang out with the people that have been HERE for me. I get contacted but the people that are still HERE for me. DAMN IT! I do love you don't get me wrong but you have changed and I can't handle it. I'm not saying I don't want to be your friend all I'm saying is that I want you here for me at least once in a while. I'm tired of the lies, I'm tired of the bullshit, I just want my friend back.