Scared

Have you ever been so scared of something that just thinking about it makes your stomach churn. I am so scared that I am going to screw things up once again in life and another thing that I hold dear will be ripped from me. I love Andrew with all of my heart and someday I want to make a life with him. I am living with him and his family now and everything is great. The thing that he doesn't know is that every night when he leaves to go to work I cry. I don't cry because I miss every one. Of course yeah I miss them but that isn't something to cry about that is a choice I made and I believe so far that I have made the best choice for me. I am so incredibly scared that I will fuck this up and I'm going to do something wrong. I don't know what exactly because I would never intentionally hurt anyone but I just have this fear down inside of me. Maybe he'll get tired of me being around, maybe I'll whine too much, maybe his family will end up hating me (I don't know how but maybe) I don't know the possibilities are endless. Yeah I know this is probably the stupidest thing to be upset about but I can't help it. I love him. More than I have loved anything else in life. He is funny, handsome, nice, everything you could wish for in a man and then some. I know I'm stupid you can say it but I had to get that off of my chest.