SIGH

This so totally sucks. I feel happy one second then the next I want to cry my eyes out. I can't stop thinking about Steve and about all that has happened in the past month (or more). Then I think that I can move on and can actually be happy again. (Note: I am never going back to that bastard...for anyone that thinks that I am thinking that). Then I think about people that are my friends and the people that are there. Then I think about all the so called friends that I had in the past. I used to think that I would never lose them (it is a good thing with some of them that I am not friends with them) but still. It's like the whole world could abandon me in two seconds and no one would ever care. I know that that is not going to happen, and I know that I will always have someone but I feel as though I am falling off of the edge of the Earth and no one is there to catch me. I know deep within and right on the surface that certain friends will never leave me like Brittany and Kelsey, but then I know that others as life goes on will go their separate ways and I may never speak to them again. Then again I may never know until that time comes. Then I think on top of all of that about people that I have stronger feeling for, people that I have had feeling for for a long time. People that have grown on me and I have come attached to. I don't think I know what I would ever do if Brittany ever stopped talking to me. I really don't want to think about that. But it seems that in my life the closer that I believe I have come to knowing someone they turn out to be fake, someone that never heard a word that came out of your mouth (no offense to anyone that reads this this is just my thoughts and I know that they may never be true). I feel as though I am stuck, stuck in cement on a sidewalk with a large piano(life) coming down the hill fast and ready to knock me off of my feet. The headache and the chest pains keep coming on quicker and stronger and more painful every day. The stress is getting to me and I know that I shouldn't let it but there is nothing that I can do. I am depressed and there is nothing that I can do. It will take me a while to get back on my feet. Damn why does life have to be so hard. *sigh*